Coping with Self-Judgment
In today’s therapy session, I uncovered something profoundly personal yet universally relatable—the intense scrutiny we apply to ourselves often surpasses any external judgment we might face. This realization led me to ponder coping with self-judgment and how we can start to shift these deeply ingrained habits.
The Weight of Self-Judgment
It’s a strange and disheartening feeling when the praise and appreciation from others don’t seep through the walls we’ve built around our hearts. Comments like “You are so smart with what you do,” or “Thank you for all the work you’ve done for me,” are meant to lift us up. Yet, for some of us, these words float on the surface without ever making us “feel” appreciated. Why is this?
For me, it stems from a deep-seated belief that I am not truly deserving of praise. This harsh self-judgment acts as a barrier, filtering out the positivity others see in us. It’s an internal voice that’s not just critical—it’s downright debilitating.
Why We Judge Ourselves More Harshly Than Others Do
Our self-judgment often comes from a place of wanting to be better or fearing that we’re not enough. It’s tied to perfectionism, to a relentless drive for self-improvement, or to deep-seated fears instilled in us from past experiences. Whatever the source, it’s clear that our own standards for ourselves are usually much higher and unforgiving than those set by others.
Coping with Self-Judgment
1. Recognize the Voice of Judgment: The first step in coping with self-judgment is to recognize when you’re judging yourself. Listen to that inner dialogue and ask, “Would I say this to someone I love?”
2. Practice Self-Compassion: Begin to treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would offer a friend. This can be through affirmations, self-care practices, or simply by allowing yourself to make mistakes without self-reproach.
3. Accept Praise Gracefully: Try to accept compliments and praise at face value. One technique is to simply say “Thank you,” and allow yourself a moment to reflect on the words and why someone would say them to you.
4. Seek Professional Guidance: Sometimes, unraveling these deep-seated feelings requires professional help. Therapists can provide tools and perspectives that help you understand and modify this critical self-perception.
5. Journaling: Write down positive feedback you receive and revisit these entries to remind yourself of your value, especially in moments of self-doubt.
Shifting the Narrative
How do we change the narrative and start to feel the good as intensely as we feel the bad? It begins with understanding that emotions, both positive and negative, are part of our human experience. Allowing ourselves to fully experience and accept these emotions without immediate judgment can be liberating.
Shifting the Narrative
How do we change the narrative and start to feel the good as intensely as we feel the bad? It begins with understanding that emotions, both positive and negative, are part of our human experience. Allowing ourselves to fully experience and accept these emotions without immediate judgment can be liberating.
Join the Conversation
We all have our unique battles with self-judgment and the challenges it brings. I’d love to hear how you manage these feelings and what strategies have worked for you. Share your experiences and thoughts in the comments below. For more insights on dealing with personal challenges, check out our detailed guide on Navigating the Shadows: A Journey to Overcome Unknown Traumas.
