Here we are, a few months into the year, and a quiet question has been nudging me, feeling more like a heart-to-heart chat with an old friend than a grand revelation: Who do you need to forgive this year? For me, it wasn’t about setting New Year’s resolutions or waiting for a fresh start when the calendar flipped. Instead, it dawned on me during one of those ordinary days, the kind where life whispers truths you’ve been too busy to hear—it’s time to forgive myself.
This journey isn’t marked by the date on a calendar but by a personal season of growth, a kind of new year for my soul. It’s about digging deep and uncovering the truths about myself that I’ve either hidden away or just never took the time to see.
Unpacking the Baggage
For years, I’ve been my harshest critic, a relentless voice that overshadowed the numerous joys and accomplishments in my life. I’ve raised three incredible humans, whose virtues and kindness illuminate the world in ways they can’t even begin to fathom. I’ve ventured into the world of business, creating and nurturing with a confidence that seemed unshakable. Yet, when it came to how I treated myself, my body, and my soul, I found myself trapped in a cycle of regret and beating myself up.
I am learning that to embark on a journey of true happiness, I must first learn the art of self-forgiveness. But the question that haunts me is, “How?” How do I forgive myself for the years of neglect, for the harsh words whispered in the dark, for not loving myself enough? How do I learn to embrace my past mistakes with love and acceptance?
The Art of Self-Compassion
It’s a peculiar thing to be loved by so many — my children, my husband, family, and friends — yet to stand in the mirror and find that same love for myself elusive. It’s as if I’ve been looking through a lens that only magnifies flaws, blind to the beauty and strength that others see so clearly.
This year, I am setting aside time, dedicating this next month, and possibly more, to unraveling this mystery. To forgive myself doesn’t mean I’ll find answers overnight; after all, the walls I’ve built weren’t erected in a day. They are the work of at least 20 years—20 years of anxiety, sadness, and the pervasive fear of ending up alone. In my attempt to escape loneliness, I clung to my children, pulling them close, not realizing that true solitude comes not from physical absence but from the void within.
Even with two of my children still living at home, the silence has never been louder, the feeling of being alone never hit harder. It’s a stark realization that perhaps, in my fear of being alone, I’ve overlooked the most important company of all – my own.
Embracing the Journey
So, where do I begin? How do I find my way through this maze of getting to know the real me and learning to let go of the hard stuff? The road ahead feels fuzzy, like trying to see through a foggy morning. Yet, it’s a journey I am committed to undertaking.
In this space, my digital diary, I will share my steps, my stumbles, and hopefully, my strides toward self-love and acceptance. It won’t be easy; unraveling two decades of self-neglect is a daunting task. But it’s one I owe to myself, to reclaim the joy and peace that has long been overshadowed by self-criticism.
To anyone reading this, feeling lost or burdened by similar shadows, know this: You are not alone. Together, let’s learn the art of forgiveness, starting with the most deserving yet often the most overlooked person – ourselves.
Here’s to our journey of discovery, filled with kindness to ourselves and, most importantly, learning to love the person in the mirror, whenever we’re ready to start. The journey begins now, and I invite you to join me on this path of self-forgiveness. Let’s discover joy, one forgiving step at a time.
